I attended my first building society meeting this Sunday. It was interesting. To say the least. So this building has 20 apartments, as of now, only 15 are occupied. Of the 15, 10 showed up for this meeting. I am sorry to say that I was one of the 10 present. It’s not like I had a choice. My brother attended the meeting the last time and it was my turn to go.
So here I was. The meeting was supposed to start at 5 pm and like the punctual thing I am, I turned up at 5pm. Which was somewhat unfortunate because no else had such lofty ideas. At 5:30 there were a few more people at the ‘designated meeting area’ which in actual fact is the unused retail space in the building that is waiting to be rented out. The DMA is a large room with a table in one corner and half a dozen plastic chairs around it. To ensure that our frail feminine sensibilities were not offended, the men decided to go and congregate on the other end of the room. I could hear bits of their conversation, it revolved primarily around cricket and power cuts. I don’t get this. Why do men feel the need to stand apart from us? It’s not as though they are discussing specific female body parts. Do they think if we women heard their points of view on power cuts, it would somehow have a damaging effect on us? The really odd thing was that the women were discussing power cuts too. Go figure.
I shall digress no further. At 5:45, the building owner swaggered in. Ever notice how REALLY important walk into a room with a phone stuck to their ear? It’s as though they are saying “I am ever ever ever so important. So important that I haven’t got a MINUTE to spare, presidents and prime ministers of important countries are on hold waiting to talk to me - yet, here I am, granting you an audience.” So the owners swaggers in and people flock around him. The ladies look flustered, they blush and giggle as though Brad Pitt put his hand up their collective skirts. And the meeting officially starts.
A rather portly man with a foolscap book and a 10 rupee ball point pen seemed to be the self appointed spokesperson for the meeting. He beams at everyone and announces that The 4th General Body Meeting Had Begun[yes, you could hear the capital letters in his voice]. Everyone beams back at him approvingly.
Point one on the agenda, said Mr. Portly, was The Official Naming Of the Residents Association Of Our Building, Silver Springs. He had given this a lot of thought, he said and his humble suggestion was that we name our association The Silver Springs Resident’s Association. Everyone clapped furiously at this blatant display of stark originality. A couple of ladies looked at Mr. Portly’s wife with what looked like envy, Mrs. P. positively glowed.
Point two on the agenda was to decide on the committee members. There was to be a Chairman, President, Vice President, Treasurer, Secretary and Associate Members. For a surreal moment I felt I was 7 years old playing House. In a building with 15 residents, 8 of them were going to be furnished with fancy titles. This wasn’t fair! I wanted one too. Head Girl would nice. Or maybe Class Monitor, or even Absolute Monarch of the Universe and Silver Springs. Hmmm. That would suit me very well. I could wear a black spandex body stocking with a red cape and a tiara when attending the meetings. Mr. P nominated the owner as Chairman, or was it President? Cant remember. Several other members were also given new titles that they could add to their name plates on the front door of their houses. It was getting dark and mosquitoes had started making their presence known. I was wearing a skirt that came down to my knees, which, when translated, means – the rest of my legs were a free-for-all buffet for the mozzies. In a short while, I wasn’t paying any attention to what was being said. Now there is a fact that needs to be shared. Molly HATES mosquitoes. She regards them as her mortal enemies. She turns into a canine version of Xena the Warrior Princess when she spots them. Picture this, a large emptyish room, a group of people in a corner with really impressive titles arguing about Maintenance Fees and Molly darting fiercely in and around them, trying to catch mosquitoes. No one paid any attention to her, least of all, the mosquitoes.
After what seemed like hours, Mr. P. finally called the meeting to a close. Everybody got up and started to leave. I sidled up to one of the women, ‘So what were the decisions made?’ “Oh, today was a very productive meeting” she said. “We named the Residents Association and appointed committee members.” “Yes yes” I said, a trifle impatiently, ‘what else has been frozen or decided on?” Remember, Molly and the mosquitoes kept me busy so I had tuned out the rest of the evening. The woman looked at me for a while. “That’s it. Those were the decisions made this evening. I think it was a very productive meeting” she repeated. I grinned inanely, “Yes it was”, I said.
